6/28/2017 – On The Lighter Side – Satire
This week, staff at The Trump Chronicle had a chance to catch up with Energy Secretary Rick Perry. It wasn’t easy, but we finally found him wandering around the halls of the White House, apparently waiting for the President to call him in for whatever photo op might that present itself. The Secretary was in a great mood, almost giddy when we found him.
“I can’t wait, really, I just can’t wait” Rick Perry spouted. “What about?” our reporter asked. “The season, the season is just around the corner. It’s the best time of the year!” Perry said with glee. Confused and wondering exactly which season Perry was referring to, our reporter asked “and do you mean the Summer season Mr. Secretary?” Perry stopped and twirled around, “no, I mean the cheerleader season, of course!” Stopping to catch his breath, “I was pretty damn good in the day” Perry gushed, “and I think I can still get the crowd riled up”. Perry was a cheerleader for Texas A&M during his time at the football powerhouse.
“I plan on getting back into shape for the season” Perry stated. “Its going to be a long tough road, but I have a lot of extra hours to spend between now and the first game”. Asked if his recent assignment as Energy Secretary might interfere with the upcoming season, Perry replied “Hell no, I don’t know much about all that nuclear crap anyway.” “They got all the Poindexters in those tech labs figuring that stuff out. I could be gone for weeks, hell, even months and nobody would care.”
Reflecting back on his past time at the Texas A&M, Perry couldn’t help but get excited. “You know, I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.” “I was real lucky I could study cows in college, if I had to learn something besides bullshit, well, I’d been in real trouble” Perry said with a chuckle. Perry continued, “But by the grace of God, Daddy got me in, and I made the cheer team on my third try.” “Those were the best days of my life, nothing to do, nothing to learn except cheerleading with my buds.”
When asked if being a cheerleader has helped him being in charge of the entire US nuclear arsenal, Perry stopped and got a glazed look in his eyes. “Well, no.” he responded. “I took a few class on cows, what the hell do you think I know about atoms and shit?” “I couldn’t even remember we had a Department of Energy until the Donald called me out of blue and asked me if I wanted to come to Washington.” “He told me not to worry about it, science is fake and nobody knows how any of this stuff really works.” “The next thing you know, I’m on a plane headed to…. uh, wait a minute, where did I go? Somewhere, someplace, I don’t know….oooppps.”
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Very funny, didn’t know he was a cheerleader. To bad he doesn’t have a degree in physics.