1/20/2018 Satire.
Americans were cheering Trump’s latest achievement. Nobody thought he could do it. There were the naysayers who said he couldn’t go more than six months. The line in Vegas was eight months. But like the champion he is, the President beat the odds and kept the government open for almost an entire year.
“Trump’s the man!” said Larry Kruger to Fox News inside Ethel’s bakery in Tuscola Illinois. “I remember Hillary didn’t make it two months before the government shut down when she was in charge.” “And I’ll tell you what, it was because of those damn emails of hers, that’s why the government shut down under Hillary, the damn emails!”
When told by aides that he had exceeded just about everybody’s expectations, the President was grinning ear to ear. “I’m so great. Nobody is a better at keeping the government running like a well oiled machine than I am, believe me, nobody”.
The scene inside the White House was euphoric. It was like the Whole White House had just won the lottery. Kelly Ann Conway was jumping up and down on the couches in the oval office taking selfies. “Wow, never thought it could happen, he didn’t fuck it up for almost the entire year” said one aide who asked not to be identified. “We all knew that eventually he would do something like, well you know, fuck things up for the country, but we all thought he would do it almost immediately.” “For him to go almost a whole year, well that really says something about this President.”
Later in the day, the president addressed a group of farmers, and again the President made sure everybody knew how lucky the country is that he is so great. “Oh are you happy you voted for me, you are so lucky I gave you that privileged” the President said.
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